Vittoria says...

Shannen, 19 from Derby asks...

I recently split up with my boyfriend of six months and it has really broken my heart. It doesn't matter what I do, I just can't seem to get over him. My friends say I should just go out with someone else to get him out of my system but I'm still hoping that somehow I might end up getting back with him. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone like him, so what's the point in even trying to get over him? What should I do?

Heartbreaker

Vittoria says...

You're clearly going through hell right now, and there's little anyone could say to ease the pain. In fact, it would probably help if people would simply back off, because getting over this guy and moving on are very unattractive propositions to you right now - every memory of your ex is sharp and precious, and the pain you're experiencing is a confirmation of how right you were together. It stands to reason that you'd want to cling on to these feelings.

It's probably not something you want to hear right now, but in one important way you're lucky to have experienced such intense love in your life. The six months you spent in this relationship are clearly among the richest, most beautiful moments of your life - some people get to 90 without experiencing this level of bliss. But of course now the relationship is over, you're paying the terrible price of having giving your heart away fully and unconditionally.
Your despair makes perfect sense: you're mourning the loss of the man you adore and you're also grieving for your own future, and for the shared life you wrongly believed stretched ahead of you. These are not feelings you should be trying to bury by turning your attention to other men. A new relationship might distract you for a short while but you can be sure that soon enough you'd be back to pining for your ex and crying over your loss. So forget about scouting around for another boyfriend. Acknowledge and honour the way you're feeling. Let yourself experience the pain of loss and rejection. And yes, allow yourself the occasional fantasy that one day, who knows, this guy might change his mind and the two of you might get back together.
But please also try to face the world with courage. Don't wait for this man; don't expect him to call. While allowing yourself that smidgen of hope, live every day as if he won't be coming back. Plan for YOUR future, not some nebulous tomorrow involving either your lost lover or some other misty man you haven't yet met and who couldn't possibly live up to the standards set by your ex. And in a couple of months - max a year - I truly believe the thought of this heart-breaker and the memory of the time you spent together will cause just a shade less pain than it does right now. Good luck.