Elizabeth says...

Sophie-Ann, 19 from Blackpool asks...

I have been with my boyfriend for three years and our sex life is great. The only problem is that I can only orgasm from oral sex and not penetrative. I have always faked it during penetration. It's not that I don't enjoy sex with my man it's just that it's starting to bother me that he seems to be getting more pleasure out of sex than I am. He's 15 years older than me and eager to please me, and just keeps on going until I (supposedly) come four or five times. Please help, I feel trapped!

Sexual healing

Elizabeth says...

Firstly, you have to wean yourself off the fake orgasms. I'm not suggesting you come clean and 'fess up (though I'd love it if you did!), just that you should slowly reduce the number of climaxes you (allegedly) have during sex until you're down to a bog-standard one. And then you gradually reduce the times you have even a measly singleton, until you find yourself (allegedly) climaxing just one time in, say, four.
When your boyfriend questions your dwindling libido, tell him with as much encouragement as you can muster that nothing is wrong - you still love him and you're still having a blast - and that you don't need to climax every time you have sex in order to have a great time. Once you've found yourself in a (more or less) lie-free zone, you can start creating a more pleasing and honestly orgasmic sex life.
The key is to slow down. Don't be in such a hurry to appear as a certain kind of lover. Be candid with yourself. What are the sensations that you most enjoy - the strokes, the rhythm, the positions? Focus on what these might be and then introduce change to your love-making habits, incorporating these key sensations. You say you love oral sex - figure out what it is that sends you tumbling over the edge into orgasm when he goes down on you, then introduce the relevant tweak to your love-making routine (I'm guessing it will involve more direct stimulation of your clitoris).
You've probably given your boyfriend the impression that whatever he does is marvelous, so he's not used to second-guessing what really gets you in a spin, and he's certainly not used to receiving instructions from your side of the bed. Well that will have to change! Once you've figured out what really pleases you, you need to relay this message to your boyfriend. By all means issue your instructions in a sexy, whispered voice, but make the content direct and bold - 'More to the left', 'Harder there', 'Please do that again', etc. Don't be shy. Don't worry about your credentials as the most multi-orgasmic, easily aroused, readily pleased lover walking the planet (which, let's face it, haven't got you very far), and trust that your boyfriend will respond swiftly and skillfully to your new approach. In fact, he'll probably love a little bossing around - men generally find it a real turn-on when their lover takes charge.