Elizabeth says...

Less talk more tongue action

Karen, 24, Redcar asks...

I love my boyfriend very much, but I wish he'd go down on me. I always perform oral on him, but when I bring the subject up, he just changes it. I'd like a bit of variety and for him to pay more attention to me down there. What can I do, as I don't want to lose him, but feel very unsatisfied?

Elizabeth says...

I can't really imagine how a conversation of this kind CAN be changed...

'Darling, I really feel our sex life will only be complete when you start going down on me!'

'Oh hell - I forgot to pick up cat food.'

Sorry, I don't mean to take your frustration lightly, I just want to make the point that a DIRECT comment from you would SURELY be impossible for lover-boy to ignore. So please try again and this time make your words unequivocal and don't let him squirm out of giving you an answer. I suggest you open the dialogue with praise - tell him about all the wonderful things he gets right in bed. Next, make your pitch (to summarise: 'I really, really like oral sex - in fact, I believe I need it') and lastly, depending on his response, ask questions - but not defensively or aggressively (So: 'Are you worried about getting it wrong?' and: 'Have you ever tried doing it?' But not: 'Why the hell can't you be a real man in bed?').
I hope it's merely fear and inexperience that's holding him back. But please be clear in your mind how you'll respond if your boyfriend expresses an outright aversion to oral sex. By issuing empty threats, you'll risk souring your relationship for good. But if you truly believe a sex life without oral sex is intolerable, have the courage to say as much and to follow it up with appropriate action. Good luck.